Being Thankful

Thinking back to my teenage years, Thanksgiving was anything but a thankful time.  Divorce, alcoholism, abuse, turmoil, it just wasn't a thankful time. 
But, thinking back, there were things to be thankful for.  
My big brother was always there.  He and i became closer, because we were all we had.  Even though we didn't always see eye to eye, years later, he and his wife are vital in my life.
I had friends.  While most did not know of the conflict i was dealing with, i had some fun.  Funny thing, is now, 30 years later, we are opening up and i have learned that a several of my classmates were in the same boat i was.   If we had only felt close enough to talk back then....
I learned to write.   My writing became a tool of survival.  I wrote about everything.  Recently i found a book of short stories i wrote.  Some were published, many were not.  When i read them, i can even remember why i wrote them, what situation i was in that caused me to write it. 

But, what i am thankful for most, is that my life made me who i am today.  I am strong, so very strong, and learned to handle a lot of crisis, i learned to rely on myself when i needed something.   God had a plan for me....and my past made it possible for me to follow His plan.

Am i thankful that alcohol ruined my high school years - no, but i can talk to kids who are dealing with the same issue and they know i understand.  They hear the sincerity in my voice when i tell them i know where they are coming from.

Am i thankful for thinking my life was so worthless, it wasn't worth living?  No, but i know the darkness.  I have told many a kid, if you are there, don't you dare go any further without calling me first, or i will never forgive you.   I have been called so many times, day and night, and i am so thankful.

Am i grateful to school admin/teachers who only managed to make matters worse?  No, but ask my kids, i always took their word first, and whenever they were accused of something, i stood for them.   And when kids are having issues, i stand up for them.

Did i enjoy the war between parents that led to divorce?  No, but kids know i am there for them, and that i understand.  I know the hell of the screaming at night, and the exhaustion of being a tool between parents.   And i am thankful for that.

And, the worst, the assault.   That still haunts me, but ....yeah...even that...God has used for the good.  I have kids come to me, when they were ashamed to tell anyone else.  I held them as they cried, i helped them go to their parents and even gone to the police a few times.  And they were thankful i was there, and i was thankful i could be there, too.

No, i was not thankful back then, but all i was made me what i am today. 

And for that, I am very thankful.