Parent Figures

I was very quiet around Father's Day. 

I had a father....but he was an absentee father...a man who chose to abandon his children because he didn't like his wife anymore.  When we did see him, he drank, a lot.   To this day, the smell of beer makes me queasy and the smell of bars reminds me of falling asleep in a booth while my father sat at a bar drinking until drunk...then drive home with my brother and i held hands in fear.  
He wasn't all bad, when i had no where to go with my little girl, he opened his home to us and was totally in love with his grand daughter. 

While looking at Father's Day cards to give to my husband, i read a lot of cards...and i had a lot of emotions, and thought of a lot of people who deserved cards for what they brought into my life.

Like my big brother, Kerry, who loved Jenn unconditionally, and was always there for me.  He was the person i could lean on when things got rough.  We both dealt with our alcoholic parents differently (yes, i admit, he was the nice one), we leaned on each other, clutched each others hands and survived together.  Jenn was totally in love with him when we lived under the same roof, he was amazing with her and gave her the male support she needed, even giving her the first rings she ever wore.

And Frank Cinelli.   When i went to college, i met Christy, and we ended up sitting next to each other in every class.   Every day, her dad came and picked her up and drove her home, and he eventually took notice of me on Fridays, when as soon as class was over, i would get as far away from the campus as i could.   Why?  Because it was a Catholic College...who served Fish every stinking Friday.  And stink was right, i couldn't stand the smell.  So he invited me over for dinner.   And eventually, he was picking me on up Fridays along with Christy.   I saw a man who treasured his family and adored his wife.   Dinner was a fun affair, with delicious food, lots of laughter and i saw that you could drink wine (homemade no less) without getting drunk.  I saw kids who loved their parents and came to them with problems and knew they wouldn't be judged, but loved.  Life wasn't perfect, but they stuck together through it all. 

And my uncle Oom Henk.   Talk about a loving man.   I loved it when he looked over at his wife and he got the look in his eyes of "wow, she is my wife."  I will never forget, one time i was with my Oma, and we were watching Oom Henk and Tante Diny walking down the street together holding hands and i noticed Oma had tears in her eyes.   I asked her why she was crying, and she said it was because she was happy that her daughter was loved so much.   He would often be sitting in a chair watching over his children, and you could see the pride in his eyes. 

And Oom Hans, who was my father when i was in Holland.  When i was young, i wanted to marry him (His wife might have objected), he was the perfect man in my eyes.  He called his mother every day to make sure she was okay.  He tolerated my silliness and he would sing Mario Lanza.  He took me to the woods and showed me deer and had the most beautiful laugh.

And my ex-father in law, who invites my entire clan to his home and has a big laugh and a bigger heart.
And of course, Tim.  A man who loves my daughter like his own, loves all our children and is so proud of all their accomplishments, who showed his daughters how a man is supposed to treat their wife.

There are so many men out there that did what i didn't have, so many women who taught me who i needed to be.

And i thank each and every one of them.

I love you.

The good and bad.

Normally i don't pay attention to my phone when it says i have a comment on facebook.  All the sounds are turned off, so i usually don't even know when one is posted.   However, today, i was sending a message to my son, when the message thingy light went on, so i just flipped over to it when i was done.  And i was very glad i did.

I had posted a positive message about a police officer and learned quickly that someone i know doesn't have a nice word to say about the men in blue.  She used language that shocked me and comments that saddened me.  I quickly deleted her post, then sent her a message asking her not to post that sort of language on my comments, i have a lot of kids on my page. Her response was pretty much that cops....weren't her favorite people, and then she unfriended me.

Okay then.

Yes, there are has been a lot of negativity towards cops lately.   Okay, more than a lot.   Does that mean i should hate all cops?

There are good cops and there are bad cops.  There are good sales people and there are bad sales people?  Do i hate all sales people?  There are good politicians and bad politicians - do i hate all politicians?   There are good wedding planners and bad wedding planners, do i hate them all?  Good & bad ministers, good and bad coaches, good and bad news reporters, good and bad teachers, good and bad beauticians...get my point?

I am thankful for the cops that risk their lives every day to look out for me and mine.   Yes, i have met a few bad cops....i have had to deal with one first hand....but i know for every one bad, there are 500 good.   5000 good, 50,000 good.

Knowing that there is a cop in my sons school every day gives me a measure of security.   Knowing that there is a cop driving around our community makes me think that the crazy speeders might be caught.  Knowing a cop walks around in the mall gives me hope that thieves will be caught.

I know one or two cops personally.  I know a several firefighters personally.   I pray for them daily, that they have a safe day at work, that they come home to their families and pets in one piece.  I pray for their families that worry about them all day long.

I was sad to read that cops in Baltimore are afraid to do their jobs right now.  Not only sad for them, for sad for the city, which is now being held captive by people who vandalized and destroyed a section of the city because they could.   No one will ever convince me that all those kids were out there because they cared about the shooting that took place...many saw a chance to destroy and did.  Cops are being abused, bullied and unable to fight back.

I was also sad to see that someone felt so strongly against the Heroes in Blue that they unfriended me because i didn't share her opinion.

I will be praying for her.  Part of me hopes she never has to call a cop - part of me hopes she does have to call one and gets to see how incredibly amazing they are in times of stress.  

No man is perfect, therefore no cop is perfect.  The USA employees over 1.1 millions people, there are bound to be some bad apples in there.   But there are a lot more fantastic ones in bushel. 

On average, one cop dies every 60 hours in the USA.   They walk out the door every morning knowing there is a chance they might be among those fallen.

Yup...heroes.

I love you.