Tuesday, March 15, 2016

When did this become okay?

A few days ago, I was watching some show and advertisements for various reality shows came on.   Shows for kids football, dancing, cheering, you name it.   And there was one repeated theme, yell at the kids.  Not just yell, SCREAM at them.

When did this become okay?

Since when is it alright to demand so much of our kids that we are beating them down...On television, no less?

No wonder our kids are stressing out and falling apart.

Somewhere along the line, too many parents stopped living for their kids and started living THROUGH their kids.  They want their kids to be bigger, better - MORE than they were.  And instead of loving and caring and being their biggest support, we've become their biggest critic.

It is so easy to insult people, isn't it?  Even when passing out a compliment, we coat it in an insult. 

"You look great," we say. "That dress slims you down so you don't look fat."  Well, gee...thanks.

"Oh my gosh, your hair looks so much better that way!  I hated the way you had it before."  Ah..

"Well, you must be an amazing person if you can put up with your brother!"  huh.

I directed a performance team, and those back handed compliments drove me nuts.   Kids would compliment someone while insulting them at the same time.  It was amazing.

After weeks of dealing with rude comments, i sat down and prayed for guidance.   I asked Him to start something that would help them understand insults aren't funny.   And to show how good it felt to give as well as receive a compliment.   And, of course, He came through. 

And so started the compliment circle.

I would sit the kids in random order, no sitting next to your best friend so you can be happy happy.  I lined them up by shoe size, 3rd letter of last name, birthday, there were a dozen ways to line them out so they weren't next to friends.

And they were required to compliment each other.  Not on their clothes or their glasses, but a sincere compliment on something about THEM.   At first it was awkward, kids didn't know what to say.  But eventually, real, sincere compliments started coming out.  The kids said great, sincere compliments and the compliment circle became a very important part of our day, we ending every Sunday with it.

And things started changing with the entire practice:  Kids would watch each other go across the floor and instead of laughing at each other, they found things to compliment during the day.   Across the floor became a time to applaud their team mates, help each other succeed.  Captains were choosing not just because they were the best, but because they were the best person for the team.  And kids were kicked off for insulting teammates, even if it happened at school.

And the kids were happy.  I was happy, no more hurt feelings, no more dealing with crying kids in the middle of practice because someone was mean to them.

And then, i watch a popular dance show and am HORRIFIED when i see the leader tearing a kid down, the parents telling the kid to do better and the teacher won't scream at them as much.  Parents allowing the teacher to criticize their child into tears, how can they just stand there and let someone attack their child?  Kids making a mistake on the football team and the entire crowd, his parents included, booing him off the field.

The saddest part of all, is that this is being glorified on TV.  Director, producers, someone with a big fat check book comes in and says hey, we are going to destroy your child...but wow, you'll have enough money to pay for a really good shrink.  Parents getting rich of their child's destruction.

I am far from the best parent...but you mess with my baby and you deal with me.  You make my child feel bad, you better be prepared to face me.  And i will admit, i ain't nice when you hurt my cubs.

And i feel the same about my friends.  If someone tears you down, call me, I'll remind you of all the good you do, and why i treasure our friendship so much.  Having a day when everyone hates you?  Call me, i'll show you some love.

Let's stop the destruction, stop the insults, turn off the tv shows that are destroying our youth.

Instead, let's meet, share some happy notes and some chocolate.

I love you.