You know that thought, that action, that thing you've been hanging on to that happened years ago that is way gone...but you still hang on to it? Why?
It's as if you keep thinking about it at 2am, you can go back in time and change it. Somehow you can go back to that moment that you did or said something and change what happened and it'll all go away.
And the memory just sits there, all the time, it's always there, in the back of your mind.
And you know, you just know, other people remember it as well. And every time they see you...they may not see you for 30 years but when they do see...they remember that moment and it grinds in their memory.
Yeah...it doesn't.
In fact, there's a pretty darn good chance if you were to mention it, they'd have no clue what you were talking about. If you brought the memory up to them, they'd give you that funny look and say "wow, i don't remember that at all."
To give you an example, now, mind you, this is a funny memory, sort of, it traumatized me in a funny way...but...well, let me tell you the story first. Years and years ago...my friend Suzy and i were asked to watch over her two little sisters while our parents went somewhere. I have no idea where, but it was close by, probably a neighbors house. Anyway, there we were, with her two sisters and it came time that we had to change her sisters diaper. And it was at that moment we realized neither of us knew how. So there we were, trying to tape on a pampers diaper on a wiggling, squirmy little girl (who is now in her 40's, so that's how long ago this was) and we couldn't get the tapes and she was mad at us and we were ruining diapers and the child screamed and the other sister was giving us advice and laughing...finally the diaper was barely on and we shoved shorts on the kid and let her go. It wasn't good...it fell off. Now, none of the three remember that experience. Me on the hand, never put pampers on my children. Huggies, Luvs...anything but pampers.
That is a funny memory (horrors, oh the horrors). But we all have memories that grab us and hold on to us.
And, well, to quote Elsa, it's time to let it go. There's nothing you can do to change that moment in time. You can't fix it, you can't alter it, it's there. Look forward....breathe and look forward. It hurts, why are you letting something hurt you?
It's the same when someone has a memory of you and they just have to remind you of it time and time again. You don't remember it...but wow, they do. And it may be stupid, it may be silly, who cares...but after a certain amount of time....just tell them to stop.
It's hard, i know..but it has to be done. I had this one person who insisted in reminding me something silly i did years ago. I don't remember, so i have no clue if it's true or not, but every stinking time we are together and someone new is in the room, she just has to tell the world about it. So, finally, i said something. The first time, i asked her kindly to drop the story, it was getting old. The second time...i reminded her, the story was old, time to give it up, find some new material. The third time, i straight out said, "With all the experiences we've had in the past *** years, it's really sad that you need to dwell on that one episode over and over again. I guess our friendship doesn't go past that moment." and i left. I haven't heard from her since then....and...well, i don't miss her. I discovered she was one of those negative relationships that was dragging me down and i needed to leave behind.
Since then, God has put other people in my life, that hole was filled with people who want to focus on our times today.
Let it go, and if they won't let it go, ask them nicely, then let them go.
You deserve to be happy, to have good thoughts and friends who want only happiness for you.
I love you.
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