Still the follower

As a kid, i was never a leader...i was always somewhere in the back of the group, my opinions weren't asked by classmates, if i wore something different, i was laughed at, not copied.

Okay, that was then.

In the past 25 or so years, i have worked hard on not caring on what others think of me and not caring being a follower.  "I is me and me is I"  If i like something someone wears, i might get one, but if i don't like it, i don't care if it is the fad, i don't like it   Case in point, that necklace everyone is wearing, glass with a few charms in it...yes it is cute, but i would never wear it.   It isn't my style, i don't like round jewelry, i have a charm bracelet already, etc, etc.   I have been proud of myself, i have been invited to several parties and normally, i would go because everyone else was going and i might buy something just because i want the host to like me.  I haven't done either.  (Pat myself on my back.)

And then i realized..i am still a copycat,

Recently, someone was telling me some things about someone else.  She didn't like this person, and was giving me several reasons why.

A few days later, i met that person.   And i automatically had a chip on my shoulder against her.  I wasn't the friendliest person i could be, i was sort of...snobby.

As the day wore on, we had to work side by side together and she won me over.  She had me laughing, telling me silly stories about her children and we worked well together.  We friended each other on facebook, and have hung out several times together.

On the flip side, there is a person that is very popular, very active in children's events and because she had such clout, i felt i should be friends with her.   Others spoke highly of her, so, well, i guess i had to, too.   And every time we did things together, i wasn't having fun.   Recently, i finally got some spine, and just stopped hanging around with her.  

But it is amazing how easily i still follow the leader.  I have little confidence in my own opinions, apparently, and if someone tells me something, i find myself agreeing without question.   I want to be liked and i have a habit of going along with the flow.

Time to remember Joshua 1.9, Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."


God gave me a brain, He gave me an opinion, He designed me this way and while many don't like me and often give me advice on how to be a better person, it is time for me to just say NO.  Give me constructive criticism, not destructive criticism.  Like me for who i am and accept me warts and all.

And i will do the same for you.


I love you.