I recently had an hour to shop for myself, and knowing i needed a sweater, i started pulling garments from the rack i thought would look good on me and fit.
Taking them back to the dressing room, every single one of them was HUGE on me.
I have a tendency to look at clothes that are far too big for me, thinking that is what my body really looks like. Often pajamas can't be tried on, and I will buy the ones that i think will fit...and they are usually HUGE on me (ask Tim, it drives him nuts).
Self-image is so very destructive. I look in the mirror and see fat, wrinkles, cellulite and everything i don't want to see.
But what do others see when they look at me?
My husband says i am beautiful (i look even BETTER when he takes out his contacts!).
Friends often tell me i look great, that i don't look 50, even though i see every wrinkle indicating that i am indeed over 50.
My kids aren't embarrassed by me, so hey, that is a plus.
But i continue to criticize myself for what i see.
And i talk to my friends, and they do the same thing as me. They don't like what they see, they find every flaw and focus on that, instead of finding the beauty that i see when i look at them.
The media does not help, always showing the sexy THIN, perfect female. Airbrushing away the stretch marks and making everyone look oh so perfect...yeah, that doesn't help. I just loved the Big Lots Christmas commercial, did you see it? NORMAL looking women! LOVED IT.
So, i guess what this comes down to, is that i need to stop hating what i see, and be happy with what i got. I need to stop the self doubt, self hate and bad self image. I am good, i am what God made me and my friends don't care about my looks - they care about me.
If you need to know how beautiful you are, let me know.
I love you.
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