Thursday, September 10, 2015
do what???
God has a plan....and i know there are days you wake up and think "LORD, what do You WANT FROM ME?" You are so tired, so worn out, so down and out. You justwant Him to reveal it NOW, so you can see that yes, you are going to get to the other side of this horrific dark, bleak, miserable tunnel you are in now. What have you done that HE thinks you can handle this? The only reason He knows you can handle this - is because you are sitting in the palm of His had, and He cradling you. You are not alone, not only is HE there, but He has sent us, your friends, to be with you. He wants you to ask for HELP, not only from HIM, but also from the people around you. Don't be ashamed, don't hesitate. Not only will Your Heavenly Father carry you through the dark times, but so will your friends. I love you.
Not the plan....
Yes, you made plans, and yes, you planned everything around those plans and now you are furious, because your plans aren't happening. You want to scream and yell and force everyone and everything to fit into your plans. Stop, it isn't happening. There is something else you need to be doing.....or not doing. Maybe you are supposed to be somewhere else and pass your smile along to someone who desperately needs to see it. Maybe there is someone who is going to call you and need your help, and had you done your plans, you wouldn't be there for them. Maybe it is time to just stop and rest. God knows you are pushing yourself too hard and if you keep going the way you are, you are going to physically or mentally harm yourself. Did you ever think it might be GOD changing your agenda, that HE is the one that rearranged your plans, because HE wants you to do something else? Ranting and raving won't change anything, so stop, pray, and accept. God loves you. I love you.
Blameless
How long are you going to blame yourself, or question what you should have done or why did you do that? How long are you going to let the wound fester? If one of your children does something wrong, you forgive them. If a friend hurts you, you hug them, you eventually laugh and it blows over. But when you do something wrong, how long do you think about it, and stress over it, and wonder what you could have done differently and should you do something about it now?
If someone comes to you, asking for your forgiveness for something they did against you, and you smile, and tell them of course you forgive them, that smile of pure relief on their face, that lightening in their heart, you see the weight come off their shoulders. You need to do that for yourself. Look in the mirror, look into your own eyes and tell yourself "I forgive me, " and mean it. Lift that load off your shoulders, remove the vises from around your heart, throw away the lead in your stomach. You are allowed to forgive yourself, you are allowed to feel good about yourself. God loves you. I love you.
If someone comes to you, asking for your forgiveness for something they did against you, and you smile, and tell them of course you forgive them, that smile of pure relief on their face, that lightening in their heart, you see the weight come off their shoulders. You need to do that for yourself. Look in the mirror, look into your own eyes and tell yourself "I forgive me, " and mean it. Lift that load off your shoulders, remove the vises from around your heart, throw away the lead in your stomach. You are allowed to forgive yourself, you are allowed to feel good about yourself. God loves you. I love you.
Thursday, July 23, 2015
A letter, a lost art
There used to be a reason to go to the mailbox...it was called personal mail.
I used to love going to open the metal box and see hand written envelopes, letters from best friends, cards from family, sweet letter messages with day to day messages.
Now, i dread going to the box, because it is always bills, bills, more bills and oh yeah, a few more political ads.
Facebook, email, and texting have taken the place of the handwritten note. I am guilty, i admit it, i often post a small note, or send a message on facebook to let someone know i am thinking of them...but something is missing.
I used to sit down and write out birthday and anniversary cards at the beginning of each month...somewhere down the line, that hobby has gotten swept away by chores, jobs, raising kids, working too many hours, and so many other things.
I used to make dozens and dozens of cards, stamping hours away, loving every minute of it. When i used to have a rare day off, i would spread my stamps out and have a ball. Friends would come over, we would share our stuff and we would just laugh, drink tea and stamp all day. Then i would happily send the cards out to friends and family, little notes of love, smack a stamp on it and dump letters upon letters in the post box.
I just finished writing a letter to an uncle in Holland. He is a lovely man, always remembers to send cards to my kids with 5 euro inside, and i remember him as a man who used to stare at his wife, my Tante Diny, with an expression of "How did i get so lucky to marry this beautiful woman?" I admit, my dutch is rusty, but i did my best to write him a few paragraphs about how my family is spending the summer, and i know he will appreciate i took time to write him.
Before that, i wrote a friend who doesn't have email or text...only letters work.
And it felt nice. It was a good feeling knowing that when those two gentlemen went in their post box, there would be a nice colored envelope, handwritten, a Harry Potter Stamp in the corner, my little Promise Walk name label on the left.
My son is required to write Thank You notes today, to thank friends and family who remembered his 14th birthday. He knows he is required to write the cards, not email messages and used to ask me why.....and i told him those people took the time to think of you, can't you take the time to thank them?
When my mother died, several people gave me letters she had written to them. My mothers impossible to read handwritten notes about what was going on in her life...sadly i lost them all in the fire, but those letters meant a lot to me.
Now a days, would i have gotten printed out letters from email? Or forwarded texts she had sent?
It's sad really...letters can lift the spirits of those who are down. They can lift spirits when someone feels alone, bring happiness for a birthday, a small moment of peace in a sympathy card, a smile in a get well card, and heart jump in a congratulations card.
I just pulled out my box of cards, and will go to the post office this afternoon to get more stamps, and am vowing to myself to get back to the art of writing letters. I can't promise everyone who reads this will get one anytime soon, but it is time to get back to letting people know i am thinking of them by taking the time to sit and write a letter instead of taking the easy way and shooting off a text.
Oh, i will still text, i enjoy my little chats with friends - but i will also take the time to share a few memories with friends using pretty paper with flowers and Harry Potter Stamps.
I love you.
I used to love going to open the metal box and see hand written envelopes, letters from best friends, cards from family, sweet letter messages with day to day messages.
Now, i dread going to the box, because it is always bills, bills, more bills and oh yeah, a few more political ads.
Facebook, email, and texting have taken the place of the handwritten note. I am guilty, i admit it, i often post a small note, or send a message on facebook to let someone know i am thinking of them...but something is missing.
I used to sit down and write out birthday and anniversary cards at the beginning of each month...somewhere down the line, that hobby has gotten swept away by chores, jobs, raising kids, working too many hours, and so many other things.
I used to make dozens and dozens of cards, stamping hours away, loving every minute of it. When i used to have a rare day off, i would spread my stamps out and have a ball. Friends would come over, we would share our stuff and we would just laugh, drink tea and stamp all day. Then i would happily send the cards out to friends and family, little notes of love, smack a stamp on it and dump letters upon letters in the post box.
I just finished writing a letter to an uncle in Holland. He is a lovely man, always remembers to send cards to my kids with 5 euro inside, and i remember him as a man who used to stare at his wife, my Tante Diny, with an expression of "How did i get so lucky to marry this beautiful woman?" I admit, my dutch is rusty, but i did my best to write him a few paragraphs about how my family is spending the summer, and i know he will appreciate i took time to write him.
Before that, i wrote a friend who doesn't have email or text...only letters work.
And it felt nice. It was a good feeling knowing that when those two gentlemen went in their post box, there would be a nice colored envelope, handwritten, a Harry Potter Stamp in the corner, my little Promise Walk name label on the left.
My son is required to write Thank You notes today, to thank friends and family who remembered his 14th birthday. He knows he is required to write the cards, not email messages and used to ask me why.....and i told him those people took the time to think of you, can't you take the time to thank them?
When my mother died, several people gave me letters she had written to them. My mothers impossible to read handwritten notes about what was going on in her life...sadly i lost them all in the fire, but those letters meant a lot to me.
Now a days, would i have gotten printed out letters from email? Or forwarded texts she had sent?
It's sad really...letters can lift the spirits of those who are down. They can lift spirits when someone feels alone, bring happiness for a birthday, a small moment of peace in a sympathy card, a smile in a get well card, and heart jump in a congratulations card.
I just pulled out my box of cards, and will go to the post office this afternoon to get more stamps, and am vowing to myself to get back to the art of writing letters. I can't promise everyone who reads this will get one anytime soon, but it is time to get back to letting people know i am thinking of them by taking the time to sit and write a letter instead of taking the easy way and shooting off a text.
Oh, i will still text, i enjoy my little chats with friends - but i will also take the time to share a few memories with friends using pretty paper with flowers and Harry Potter Stamps.
I love you.
Friday, July 3, 2015
I am going to try my best to be a candle
I have "refrained" from comments about the latest Supreme Court ruling, but last night, i read the post by someone saying "i bet this is breaking God's heart," "i hope they go to hell" and "this is the beginning of the end of the world."
I am blown away by the hate.
I am not jumping on that band wagon. I am not going start protesting and screaming and judging.
It's not my job.
My job is to do the Lord's work, by being a candle.
Matthew 5:16 - "Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.
Who really thinks that protesting, yelling, screaming, punishing, fighting and yelling some more really works? Have you raised a teenager? You yell, fight and scream, and they are going to do it anyway.
I am not going to tell them they are sinners and are going to hell - because i would have to tell everyone i know the same thing. Every friend i have is a sinner. Every person i have ever hugged is a sinner. Every person ever to enter my house is a sinner. So, do i tell all of them they are also going to hell?
Do i think this one ruling is going to be the end of the world? The same was said when Roe vs Wade was passed. And when prayer was stopped in schools. And When the Ten Commandments were taken out of the public eye. And the separation of church and state....and....and....and.....And the world keeps spinning.
Matthew 7:1-5
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
Every time i look in a mirror, i see a sinner. Every time i think i do something good, i know i have done 5 things not so good.
He asks us to "Love One Another: just as I have love you, you also are to love one another" John 13:34 No where did i read 'love them if they follow all my commandments, never sin and never do anything you don't think is right" If that was the case, i would have to end my marriage, because he sins. I would have to get rid of my children, because they sin. I would have to stop going to church, because that whole building is full of sinners.
Where does it all end?
I don't want people to see me, a proud Christian, as someone who judges and hates. I want them to see someone who loves and accepts, who tolerates others as they tolerate me. I am going to love my friends, i am going to try to love my enemies.
It says in Romans 12:10 to Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
And that is what i plan to do.
I love you,
I am blown away by the hate.
I am not jumping on that band wagon. I am not going start protesting and screaming and judging.
It's not my job.
My job is to do the Lord's work, by being a candle.
Matthew 5:16 - "Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.
Who really thinks that protesting, yelling, screaming, punishing, fighting and yelling some more really works? Have you raised a teenager? You yell, fight and scream, and they are going to do it anyway.
I am not going to tell them they are sinners and are going to hell - because i would have to tell everyone i know the same thing. Every friend i have is a sinner. Every person i have ever hugged is a sinner. Every person ever to enter my house is a sinner. So, do i tell all of them they are also going to hell?
Do i think this one ruling is going to be the end of the world? The same was said when Roe vs Wade was passed. And when prayer was stopped in schools. And When the Ten Commandments were taken out of the public eye. And the separation of church and state....and....and....and.....And the world keeps spinning.
Matthew 7:1-5
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
Every time i look in a mirror, i see a sinner. Every time i think i do something good, i know i have done 5 things not so good.
He asks us to "Love One Another: just as I have love you, you also are to love one another" John 13:34 No where did i read 'love them if they follow all my commandments, never sin and never do anything you don't think is right" If that was the case, i would have to end my marriage, because he sins. I would have to get rid of my children, because they sin. I would have to stop going to church, because that whole building is full of sinners.
Where does it all end?
I don't want people to see me, a proud Christian, as someone who judges and hates. I want them to see someone who loves and accepts, who tolerates others as they tolerate me. I am going to love my friends, i am going to try to love my enemies.
It says in Romans 12:10 to Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
And that is what i plan to do.
I love you,
Friday, June 26, 2015
Parent Figures
I was very quiet around Father's Day.
I had a father....but he was an absentee father...a man who chose to abandon his children because he didn't like his wife anymore. When we did see him, he drank, a lot. To this day, the smell of beer makes me queasy and the smell of bars reminds me of falling asleep in a booth while my father sat at a bar drinking until drunk...then drive home with my brother and i held hands in fear.
He wasn't all bad, when i had no where to go with my little girl, he opened his home to us and was totally in love with his grand daughter.
While looking at Father's Day cards to give to my husband, i read a lot of cards...and i had a lot of emotions, and thought of a lot of people who deserved cards for what they brought into my life.
Like my big brother, Kerry, who loved Jenn unconditionally, and was always there for me. He was the person i could lean on when things got rough. We both dealt with our alcoholic parents differently (yes, i admit, he was the nice one), we leaned on each other, clutched each others hands and survived together. Jenn was totally in love with him when we lived under the same roof, he was amazing with her and gave her the male support she needed, even giving her the first rings she ever wore.
And Frank Cinelli. When i went to college, i met Christy, and we ended up sitting next to each other in every class. Every day, her dad came and picked her up and drove her home, and he eventually took notice of me on Fridays, when as soon as class was over, i would get as far away from the campus as i could. Why? Because it was a Catholic College...who served Fish every stinking Friday. And stink was right, i couldn't stand the smell. So he invited me over for dinner. And eventually, he was picking me on up Fridays along with Christy. I saw a man who treasured his family and adored his wife. Dinner was a fun affair, with delicious food, lots of laughter and i saw that you could drink wine (homemade no less) without getting drunk. I saw kids who loved their parents and came to them with problems and knew they wouldn't be judged, but loved. Life wasn't perfect, but they stuck together through it all.
And my uncle Oom Henk. Talk about a loving man. I loved it when he looked over at his wife and he got the look in his eyes of "wow, she is my wife." I will never forget, one time i was with my Oma, and we were watching Oom Henk and Tante Diny walking down the street together holding hands and i noticed Oma had tears in her eyes. I asked her why she was crying, and she said it was because she was happy that her daughter was loved so much. He would often be sitting in a chair watching over his children, and you could see the pride in his eyes.
And Oom Hans, who was my father when i was in Holland. When i was young, i wanted to marry him (His wife might have objected), he was the perfect man in my eyes. He called his mother every day to make sure she was okay. He tolerated my silliness and he would sing Mario Lanza. He took me to the woods and showed me deer and had the most beautiful laugh.
And my ex-father in law, who invites my entire clan to his home and has a big laugh and a bigger heart.
And of course, Tim. A man who loves my daughter like his own, loves all our children and is so proud of all their accomplishments, who showed his daughters how a man is supposed to treat their wife.
There are so many men out there that did what i didn't have, so many women who taught me who i needed to be.
And i thank each and every one of them.
I love you.
I had a father....but he was an absentee father...a man who chose to abandon his children because he didn't like his wife anymore. When we did see him, he drank, a lot. To this day, the smell of beer makes me queasy and the smell of bars reminds me of falling asleep in a booth while my father sat at a bar drinking until drunk...then drive home with my brother and i held hands in fear.
He wasn't all bad, when i had no where to go with my little girl, he opened his home to us and was totally in love with his grand daughter.
While looking at Father's Day cards to give to my husband, i read a lot of cards...and i had a lot of emotions, and thought of a lot of people who deserved cards for what they brought into my life.
Like my big brother, Kerry, who loved Jenn unconditionally, and was always there for me. He was the person i could lean on when things got rough. We both dealt with our alcoholic parents differently (yes, i admit, he was the nice one), we leaned on each other, clutched each others hands and survived together. Jenn was totally in love with him when we lived under the same roof, he was amazing with her and gave her the male support she needed, even giving her the first rings she ever wore.
And Frank Cinelli. When i went to college, i met Christy, and we ended up sitting next to each other in every class. Every day, her dad came and picked her up and drove her home, and he eventually took notice of me on Fridays, when as soon as class was over, i would get as far away from the campus as i could. Why? Because it was a Catholic College...who served Fish every stinking Friday. And stink was right, i couldn't stand the smell. So he invited me over for dinner. And eventually, he was picking me on up Fridays along with Christy. I saw a man who treasured his family and adored his wife. Dinner was a fun affair, with delicious food, lots of laughter and i saw that you could drink wine (homemade no less) without getting drunk. I saw kids who loved their parents and came to them with problems and knew they wouldn't be judged, but loved. Life wasn't perfect, but they stuck together through it all.
And my uncle Oom Henk. Talk about a loving man. I loved it when he looked over at his wife and he got the look in his eyes of "wow, she is my wife." I will never forget, one time i was with my Oma, and we were watching Oom Henk and Tante Diny walking down the street together holding hands and i noticed Oma had tears in her eyes. I asked her why she was crying, and she said it was because she was happy that her daughter was loved so much. He would often be sitting in a chair watching over his children, and you could see the pride in his eyes.
And Oom Hans, who was my father when i was in Holland. When i was young, i wanted to marry him (His wife might have objected), he was the perfect man in my eyes. He called his mother every day to make sure she was okay. He tolerated my silliness and he would sing Mario Lanza. He took me to the woods and showed me deer and had the most beautiful laugh.
And my ex-father in law, who invites my entire clan to his home and has a big laugh and a bigger heart.
And of course, Tim. A man who loves my daughter like his own, loves all our children and is so proud of all their accomplishments, who showed his daughters how a man is supposed to treat their wife.
There are so many men out there that did what i didn't have, so many women who taught me who i needed to be.
And i thank each and every one of them.
I love you.
Thursday, June 11, 2015
The good and bad.
Normally i don't pay attention to my phone when it says i have a comment on facebook. All the sounds are turned off, so i usually don't even know when one is posted. However, today, i was sending a message to my son, when the message thingy light went on, so i just flipped over to it when i was done. And i was very glad i did.
I had posted a positive message about a police officer and learned quickly that someone i know doesn't have a nice word to say about the men in blue. She used language that shocked me and comments that saddened me. I quickly deleted her post, then sent her a message asking her not to post that sort of language on my comments, i have a lot of kids on my page. Her response was pretty much that cops....weren't her favorite people, and then she unfriended me.
Okay then.
Yes, there are has been a lot of negativity towards cops lately. Okay, more than a lot. Does that mean i should hate all cops?
There are good cops and there are bad cops. There are good sales people and there are bad sales people? Do i hate all sales people? There are good politicians and bad politicians - do i hate all politicians? There are good wedding planners and bad wedding planners, do i hate them all? Good & bad ministers, good and bad coaches, good and bad news reporters, good and bad teachers, good and bad beauticians...get my point?
I am thankful for the cops that risk their lives every day to look out for me and mine. Yes, i have met a few bad cops....i have had to deal with one first hand....but i know for every one bad, there are 500 good. 5000 good, 50,000 good.
Knowing that there is a cop in my sons school every day gives me a measure of security. Knowing that there is a cop driving around our community makes me think that the crazy speeders might be caught. Knowing a cop walks around in the mall gives me hope that thieves will be caught.
I know one or two cops personally. I know a several firefighters personally. I pray for them daily, that they have a safe day at work, that they come home to their families and pets in one piece. I pray for their families that worry about them all day long.
I was sad to read that cops in Baltimore are afraid to do their jobs right now. Not only sad for them, for sad for the city, which is now being held captive by people who vandalized and destroyed a section of the city because they could. No one will ever convince me that all those kids were out there because they cared about the shooting that took place...many saw a chance to destroy and did. Cops are being abused, bullied and unable to fight back.
I was also sad to see that someone felt so strongly against the Heroes in Blue that they unfriended me because i didn't share her opinion.
I will be praying for her. Part of me hopes she never has to call a cop - part of me hopes she does have to call one and gets to see how incredibly amazing they are in times of stress.
No man is perfect, therefore no cop is perfect. The USA employees over 1.1 millions people, there are bound to be some bad apples in there. But there are a lot more fantastic ones in bushel.
On average, one cop dies every 60 hours in the USA. They walk out the door every morning knowing there is a chance they might be among those fallen.
Yup...heroes.
I love you.
I had posted a positive message about a police officer and learned quickly that someone i know doesn't have a nice word to say about the men in blue. She used language that shocked me and comments that saddened me. I quickly deleted her post, then sent her a message asking her not to post that sort of language on my comments, i have a lot of kids on my page. Her response was pretty much that cops....weren't her favorite people, and then she unfriended me.
Okay then.
Yes, there are has been a lot of negativity towards cops lately. Okay, more than a lot. Does that mean i should hate all cops?
There are good cops and there are bad cops. There are good sales people and there are bad sales people? Do i hate all sales people? There are good politicians and bad politicians - do i hate all politicians? There are good wedding planners and bad wedding planners, do i hate them all? Good & bad ministers, good and bad coaches, good and bad news reporters, good and bad teachers, good and bad beauticians...get my point?
I am thankful for the cops that risk their lives every day to look out for me and mine. Yes, i have met a few bad cops....i have had to deal with one first hand....but i know for every one bad, there are 500 good. 5000 good, 50,000 good.
Knowing that there is a cop in my sons school every day gives me a measure of security. Knowing that there is a cop driving around our community makes me think that the crazy speeders might be caught. Knowing a cop walks around in the mall gives me hope that thieves will be caught.
I know one or two cops personally. I know a several firefighters personally. I pray for them daily, that they have a safe day at work, that they come home to their families and pets in one piece. I pray for their families that worry about them all day long.
I was sad to read that cops in Baltimore are afraid to do their jobs right now. Not only sad for them, for sad for the city, which is now being held captive by people who vandalized and destroyed a section of the city because they could. No one will ever convince me that all those kids were out there because they cared about the shooting that took place...many saw a chance to destroy and did. Cops are being abused, bullied and unable to fight back.
I was also sad to see that someone felt so strongly against the Heroes in Blue that they unfriended me because i didn't share her opinion.
I will be praying for her. Part of me hopes she never has to call a cop - part of me hopes she does have to call one and gets to see how incredibly amazing they are in times of stress.
No man is perfect, therefore no cop is perfect. The USA employees over 1.1 millions people, there are bound to be some bad apples in there. But there are a lot more fantastic ones in bushel.
On average, one cop dies every 60 hours in the USA. They walk out the door every morning knowing there is a chance they might be among those fallen.
Yup...heroes.
I love you.
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