It's not for me to judge.

So, i was asked my opinion on situation on the Gorilla and the little boy....the gorilla was shot to protect a child...did i blame the mother?   The Zoo?   What did i think about the whole thing.

Well, okay, i'll tell you what i think.

Nothing.

I don't think anyone was to blame.  

It happened.  It's sad, it's tragic....The gorilla was beautiful, the child adorable.

Do i blame the zoo?   Oh my gosh,  don't i feel they should've tried something else, tranqs, shock, anything...how dare they murder that gorilla?   No.  I don't.  The zoo keepers knew that gorilla, they knew what it was capable of and no way no how do i believe they thought "oh, what the heck, let's just kill it, no big deal."  That must have been a horrible moment for them....they had loved and cared for this beautiful animal for a long time, and i'm sure they tried to weight their options and took what they thought was the only option.

Do i blame the mother - the woman who allowed her child to get through the cage, fall 15 feel and to save him, they had to shoot the gorilla?   Isn't she at fault, a horrible neglectful mother?  Okay, confession time....i've lost my children in stores.  I've turned around and the stinkers were gone.  The only reason we had our first dog is because while i was filling out paperwork at the pound, i made the mistake of believing my child was asleep in his stroller.  Nate unbuckled himself from the stroller, got out, went down a hall, i became aware he was gone when i heard huge dogs going nuts...my son was walking past the cages looking for his dream dog.  Oh, and Ben ran off at the beach...and Talina was playing outside one day and i couldn't find her and was screaming for her.   (okay, she had gone back in her room through the back door).  Thinking if i ever lost jenn....can't think of one, but hey, i am a bad mother, so i am sure i did.

It's really bothering me how much mothers feel the need to bash other mothers.   A couple went to dinner together when their newborn was 9 days old....oh my the horrors!  Sadly, they didn't bash the husband, they attacked the woman, but not the father....kudos to him for standing up and saying "if you are going to bash her, you better bash me too."

A woman lost all her baby fat, and she was immediately bashed and attacked as being a horrible role model...fyi, with ben, i never outgrew my clothes, i wore my regular clothes to the hospital and wore them back home again.   Bad me, i know.

Come on....stop.  

Give the zoo credit for putting that baby first and doing what they felt needed to be done.  People who were with that gorilla every day and knew what it was capable of.

Feel with the mom, the pain, the horror, the hell she went through when she saw gorilla grab her son and drag him through the water....and the guilt she feels even now, knowing her baby was almost killed.  And the hell she is dealing with now, being crucified by parents around the world who believe they would NEVER EVER have allowed that to happen.

We all believe we would never ever do what they did.  Because...well, we're like, so totally so much better.

I pray i never go through what the zoo keepers and parents went through.  I pray you never go through it either.

But if you do.  I'll be here for you.

I love you.



 

40 Days of Purpose, 13 years later.

So, a few days ago, a mother was on facebook, bragging upside down sideways and backwards about the amazing accomplishment her child had done.

I've been on facebook, bragging, as have most of my friends.

That's our job.   We do that.   We are proud of them, we live vicariously through our kids and we are stinking proud when they do above and beyond what we did.

So a few days ago, a parent came up to me and complimented me on Ben's work for Autism Awareness.  She had read the article in the paper, and wow, what a great kid.   I thanked her.  She then said something that had me stepping back....her comment was that my kid had far to go, and her son couldn't get his face out of the computer fast long enough to clean his room, let alone change the world.  At the rate he's going, she said, he is taking the fast track to being a bum.  

What was worse is that her son was standing right next to her.  He looked upset, and lowered his head.  

"Huh."  I said, in my sugar sweet tone that warns my kids they better run.  "They said the same stuff about Albert Einstein.  That he wasn't going to amount to anything.  And he's the most famous mathematician in the world."  I then smiled at the kid who was now looking at me.  "I guess you got a great future, can't wait to see what you do to light this world on fire."

Then looking at the now very annoyed mother, i said "God don't make no junk.  Have a great day."

I don't think I'll be on her Christmas card list this year.

Yesterday, i had to run to OCHS, and saw the kid.   I have no clue what his name is, but from across the parking lot, i got "Hi Mrs. Corner!  Have a great day!"

I will never understand why a parent feels it is okay to put down their kid, not only in private, but it's worse when it's in front of others.   Our kids get emotionally beaten up all the time.  From classmates, teachers, "friends" who aren't really friends, strangers, tv, magazines.  

They are never good enough, they are never thin enough, they are never smart enough, they didn't do everything right, there's always someone better that they compare themselves to.

That incident served as a very strong reminder to me of what I believe God wants from me.   Years ago, I did the 40 days of purpose.   Over and over again, i knew God wanted me to fight the good fight for kids.   To help them feel good about themselves, give them a sense of pride in their accomplishments.

At that time, i was the director of Higher Power and i loved watching kids grin like crazy when they did something and were proud and their team mates were cheering them on.

I have to admit, i have't thought that much about it in the past year or two.   I pray i never put a child down, but it wasn't a priority to lift them up.

But that woman reminded me, He didn't tell me to stop.   He needs me and everyone, to make our kids feel valuable, to let them know that life ain't all bad, and there's someone in their corner.

And it isn't all that hard.

When you go to a concert, and you see a mother drop her kid off at his last band concert of the year and hear her yell "Call me when its over."  It really easy to go up to him when the concert is over and he's waiting for his ride, to go up to him and say "Knock out job, you looked like you were having fun up there.  See ya in marching band."

When you see a kid alone, everyone else is standing around and ignoring them, to go up and say "Oh my gosh, is your hair naturally that curly?  I am so jealous.  I'm *******, what's your name?"

When you know a kid is having a rough time, say something nice on facebook about a picture they posted, or a comment or a selfie...something.

That mother served as a reminder that HE needs us to let His children know they aren't alone.  That just because some one puts them down, there is someone around who is going to lift them up.  

I remember feeling worthless, unloved, alone, picked up, bullied and emotionally destroyed.   And i am going to do my best to prevent others from feeling that way.

Who's in with me?

I love you.

Lonliness

It's amazing how easy it is to be lonely, when surrounded by people. 

Years ago, i lost both my parents.   Both left too soon, only having met one of my four kids.  While i didn't have a perfect relationship with them, the loss of grandparents for my kids is sometimes more than i can bear.  

I have friends, i believe i have  a good amount of friends, but....you ever have that feeling that you are all alone? You find out your friends are doing things without you and you go through that "No one really likes me" phase?  When you're standing in a crowd, and everyone seems to be talking around you, but not with you?   When you feel overwhelmed and feel like you have no one to call to help you out?

Yeah, me too.

No matter how popular you are, no matter how many friends you have, no matter how well you get along with your co-workers, you feel completely alone.

The past few weeks, i have felt completely alone.   I feel lonely, deep down bone aching lonely.   My family is in Holland, they are having their own issues.  I have friends, but everyone seems to be battling their own issues.  We left our church, and are searching for a new home, and i received emails telling me that i had been removed from their online neighborhood, emails and prayer requests.

Last night, i woke up in the middle of the night, exhausted beyond exhausted, but unable to sleep.   I was overwhelmed with thoughts of being alone, no friends, no one cared about me.  It was devastated.   Tears soaked my pillow, i was just lost.  Very cold, very alone.

Then, somewhere in the dark,  i felt a hand on my shoulder.  First, i thought it was my husband, but he was still snoring to the left of me, and the hand was on my right.  Where i had been bone cold, i suddenly felt warmth.  While no one said anything, i heard in my heart "You are not alone."

And that's when it occurred to me - Satan was having a field day with my emotions.   Leaving a church, feeling like i had lost so many friends there....he knew i was low and sad.  My friends were all doing different things, we are all too busy this time of year, and he was trying to get me to feel that no one wanted me as a friend.  Satan was trying to make me feel small and alone.

But that warmth worked its way down to my toes.  I took a deep cleansing breath.   I then reached over for my phone, and opened the bible app, randomly opening a book.  

Deuteronomy 31:8 The LORD is the one who is going ahead of you. He will be with you. He won’t abandon you or leave you. So don’t be afraid or terrified.”
 
My tears of depression and grief turned to joy.  I got up, went outside in the pouring rain and just lifted my face to Him and thanked Him for loving me, wrapping me in His loving arms.   I found myself laughing, as the rain drenched me.  Laughing at satans attempt to drown me in sorrow.  He knew my weakness, my fear of not having friends, something that has been with me since childhood.   Fear of people not wanting me around, laughing behind my back, pushing me away.    But God gave me HIS strength to fight against satan.  He sent someone down, just to touch me, to make sure i knew i wasn't alone.

Recently, I was the person he sent out to touch a friend.  A few weeks ago, He had me send out a text to a friend, just a reminder to my friend that I loved him.  He texted me back, saying i had no idea how much he needed that right then and there.  I texted him back, saying God knew, and that's why He had me text my friend.    I got a call a few minutes later, and my friend told me the battle he had been fighting and his fears.  I told him God was in control, and He told me to pray for him.   A few days ago, my friend called me, happy, things were turning for the better. 

We are never alone.   God may send me to touch your shoulder, another friend to call or text you with a loving message.  In the middle of the night, you may feel cold and alone....and you need to remember, you're not.  He is there.   When you are at your worst, He is at His best. 

When you are so far down, i am here for you.   I love you.

Get the damn blow torch, it's time to pray.

It's it funny how something simple brings a person to your mind?  

A few days ago, I walked into a store and the smell reminded me of my grandmother so much, it was almost like she was standing next to me.

Scents, words, sounds, sights, can bring someone to your mind just out of the blue.

Gypsy moth nests to it for me every time.

Years ago, i had been living in Holland and came back to Bellport, Long Island and we were staying at a friends house while my mom looked for a home for us to move into.   We were standing on the deck of the patio and i saw this white dense cotton looking thing in a tree in the back yard. 

"Uncle Ronny, what is that?"

With his cigarette clenched between his teeth, he turned around and said "Damn it, Jackie, get the blow torch."

Jackie went and got it from the garage and with a flick of his lighter, Ronny was heading to the back yard with this blue flame and he set that sucker on fire.  Looking around, he found two more in his yard and WHOOOOOSH, they went up in flames.

"Ronny!  Be careful, don't set the tree on fire!" Yelled his wife, Shelley. 

I looked at Jackie, and asked what they were, and was told they caterpillars that would eat the entire tree bare.  She pointed to a tree in the neighbors yard that was completely devoid of leaves.

Now, some 35 years later, every time i see one of those tents, i think "Damn it, get the blow torch."

But another thing that i do is pray.   Every time one of those memories creep up, I pray for that person.  In Ronnie's case, he has passed on, but his wife, three daughters and their families are then covered in prayer. 

When I hear someone yelling for their child to come in, I remember "Joy Ann!  Joy Ann S---k!"  and say a prayer for a neighbor of long ago.

Pancakes always make me think of Mirjam and all the pancakes we convinced her mom, Tante Inge, to make for us.  I pray for Mirjam, her girls, Gep and Marinka.  Chamomile tea also reminds me of Tante Inge.

Whenever I think of someone, I believe it isn't by accident that they are brought to my mind.  I think of it as God's little way to ask me to pray for that person, to lift their family up in prayer.  There are times i feel the need to call them or write them a note on facebook, the feeling is so strong...so i do.  And I can't tell you how many times that person has told me they needed that message, they were down and the prayers gave them strength.  Or there was something wrong and they needed to talk to someone, and i just happened to call. 

So, count on it, something out there reminds me of you, and i have prayed for you.

I love you.

When did this become okay?

A few days ago, I was watching some show and advertisements for various reality shows came on.   Shows for kids football, dancing, cheering, you name it.   And there was one repeated theme, yell at the kids.  Not just yell, SCREAM at them.

When did this become okay?

Since when is it alright to demand so much of our kids that we are beating them down...On television, no less?

No wonder our kids are stressing out and falling apart.

Somewhere along the line, too many parents stopped living for their kids and started living THROUGH their kids.  They want their kids to be bigger, better - MORE than they were.  And instead of loving and caring and being their biggest support, we've become their biggest critic.

It is so easy to insult people, isn't it?  Even when passing out a compliment, we coat it in an insult. 

"You look great," we say. "That dress slims you down so you don't look fat."  Well, gee...thanks.

"Oh my gosh, your hair looks so much better that way!  I hated the way you had it before."  Ah..

"Well, you must be an amazing person if you can put up with your brother!"  huh.

I directed a performance team, and those back handed compliments drove me nuts.   Kids would compliment someone while insulting them at the same time.  It was amazing.

After weeks of dealing with rude comments, i sat down and prayed for guidance.   I asked Him to start something that would help them understand insults aren't funny.   And to show how good it felt to give as well as receive a compliment.   And, of course, He came through. 

And so started the compliment circle.

I would sit the kids in random order, no sitting next to your best friend so you can be happy happy.  I lined them up by shoe size, 3rd letter of last name, birthday, there were a dozen ways to line them out so they weren't next to friends.

And they were required to compliment each other.  Not on their clothes or their glasses, but a sincere compliment on something about THEM.   At first it was awkward, kids didn't know what to say.  But eventually, real, sincere compliments started coming out.  The kids said great, sincere compliments and the compliment circle became a very important part of our day, we ending every Sunday with it.

And things started changing with the entire practice:  Kids would watch each other go across the floor and instead of laughing at each other, they found things to compliment during the day.   Across the floor became a time to applaud their team mates, help each other succeed.  Captains were choosing not just because they were the best, but because they were the best person for the team.  And kids were kicked off for insulting teammates, even if it happened at school.

And the kids were happy.  I was happy, no more hurt feelings, no more dealing with crying kids in the middle of practice because someone was mean to them.

And then, i watch a popular dance show and am HORRIFIED when i see the leader tearing a kid down, the parents telling the kid to do better and the teacher won't scream at them as much.  Parents allowing the teacher to criticize their child into tears, how can they just stand there and let someone attack their child?  Kids making a mistake on the football team and the entire crowd, his parents included, booing him off the field.

The saddest part of all, is that this is being glorified on TV.  Director, producers, someone with a big fat check book comes in and says hey, we are going to destroy your child...but wow, you'll have enough money to pay for a really good shrink.  Parents getting rich of their child's destruction.

I am far from the best parent...but you mess with my baby and you deal with me.  You make my child feel bad, you better be prepared to face me.  And i will admit, i ain't nice when you hurt my cubs.

And i feel the same about my friends.  If someone tears you down, call me, I'll remind you of all the good you do, and why i treasure our friendship so much.  Having a day when everyone hates you?  Call me, i'll show you some love.

Let's stop the destruction, stop the insults, turn off the tv shows that are destroying our youth.

Instead, let's meet, share some happy notes and some chocolate.

I love you.

Seeds

Today i started the fun of planting some seeds, i have decided to attempt to grow a cherry blossom tree and an orange tree from seed.   This should be so much fun.

But it did start me thinking about planting seeds and what a seed can do in someone elses life.

A seed was planted in me during 9th grade.  Collette Perry sat behind me in a lot of my classes, we were in softball together and she was just always happy.  She had a lovely smile, she would pray before lunch, and she always had this air of contentment around her.

I was having a rough day, and had my head down on my desk, just done for the day, and it was only 3rd period (we had 7 classes a day back then).   I felt a hand on my back, and i could hear Collette praying for me.   She was very quiet, it was just a whisper, but a weight lifted off my chest...i wasn't alone.  

The seed had been planted.

It took almost 15 years for that seed to take root.  But when it did, it sprouted into an amazing tree of love, happiness and contentment.

That was 23 years ago.

On the day i was baptized, Mother's Day 1993, Pastor Holbrook asked me about my intention of being a Christian.  He asked me if i would go out, be a disciple and spread the word of Jesus Christ, and i said i would.  I memorized Mark 15:16, “And He said to them, ‘Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature.'”

In the years since saying YES, i have had the opportunity to lead bible studies, direct a performance team, work with the youth, hang out with amazing women, collect food and toilet paper for a homeless shelter....the list goes on.   

And along the way, i have dropped a few seeds here and there.  

I pray I have lived by example, showing what Christ has done in my life.  I pray that i have reached out when God wanted me to reach out, that i have spoken when God wanted me to talk and i have kept quiet when God needed me to be silent, and show that HE is Lord.  

Most of all, i pray that i have put my hand on someones back when they were just done, and prayed for them to feel the peace i felt the day the seed was planted in me.

I love you.

Oh yeah, i pray.

I am often amazed how often God tells me to pray for someone.  How often He puts someone on my mind and i just find myself on my knees, praying for a person, a family, a situation.

There are times, when i have prayed, He will tell me to call that person and let them know, let them know HE heard their prayers and is having people pray for them.    Sometimes, He doesn't.   I just pray, put their name on my board and pray.

When i am crocheting, i am praying.   Often, I am making something for someone, and i am praying for that person, but God will sneak in another person and tell me to crochet a line or two for them. 

I had a friend struggling and i told her i would pray for her, she gave me the oddest look and said "sure, if that is what makes you happy."  and totally blew my prayers off.  A few weeks later she called me, asking more about my prayers, because miraculous things were happening in her life.

I have a friend who blamed me for praying hard enough to give her twins.  :)

When i created my blog Made With Prayer, it wasn't because i make things with prayers - it was because i am made with prayer. 

The only reason i am alive is because of prayer.  I didn't succeed in killing myself, i didn't die in a few car accidents, and i survived the birth of my youngest child.  Each time, i learned people were praying for me.   With the birth of Ben, i knew an entire congregation was either at home or at the church, praying for my life.  I learned in my 30's that people were praying for me and my brother as we dealt with alcoholism and drug addiction with our parents.  Every time i thought i was at the end, God lifted me back up, shook me off and got me going again.

So now, when people ask me to pray for them, i take my job very seriously.  

You ask, i pray.  

I write your request in a book, on a board, on a mirror.  I pray when i have a break at work, when i have a few minutes to myself, when i cook.

I have found that prayer that relieves stress and makes me a happier person.    I stopped biting my nails, i stopped hating myself and blaming myself for everything that goes wrong.

So, if you need someone to pray for you....God might have already told me to start praying, but you are welcome to let me know you need a little lift from above.

I will gladly pray for you.

I love you.